Adoption has become a major talking point in our country since the Supreme Court decision. It’s a topic that is discussed in the media, in politics, and even used as a plot device to ratchet up drama on TV shows. This is good because it can help educate people on adoption. But it’s also a topic that needs to be presented with care because many adoptees have experienced a lot of pain because of this way of forming a family.
Often, when parents adopt, they don’t tell their child their birth story right away. Whether it’s due to financial constraints or fear that their child might feel sad or disappointed, this is a very common mistake. Children need to know their adoption story. They need to know that they are loved and that it is not their fault. It’s been shown that if children are not told their adoption story, they will fill in the blanks with fantasy and create their own narrative about their past. This can lead to self-esteem issues, identity confusion and feelings of sadness.
If you have friends who are adoptive parents, ask them for advice on how to write your story so it is accurate and sensitive. You might want to have someone else read it for you as well. It’s important to remember that private details about the birth parent are not your story to share with people who aren’t part of the triad.